Ready?

We are getting ready to move out. No fixed completion date yet but it’s looking like the end of the month. I’m feeling quite nervous. Life has changed over this last year, this makes that even more apparent.

It seems strange looking back. When we found out we were going to have Birch our reaction immediately included the thoughts “we’ll have to sell the campervan” and “we will have to move house”. I also thought that I wouldn’t get to swim much any more, that I wouldn’t be able to do as much work and that my freedom at home would be curtailed. All of these things have been true. What has been unexpected is how I feel about them. Some of them. I miss swimming and my work, I’m sad we had to sell the van. I’m aware that I’m not free like I was before Birch but somehow I don’t mind that at all. In fact, I find I love it. And we are moving house. Mostly that is very exciting. Partly it is scary.

I think it is probably true to say that planning laws are designed to put you off. They are long and obscure, details have to be hunted for, consultants have made a living out of making sense of them. I don’t think it needs to be that difficult. On the other hand I really don’t want our house to fall down. If I start looking too much into the details I start to feel anxious. Ben says I just have to trust him. He is confident and excited. Do I trust him to do this?

It’s a tricky thing building trust and confidence. On one hand I feel like I need my worries acknowledged, to feel like I’ve been heard and to be sure those worries will not become realities. On the other, it doesn’t help to sound like my worries are entirely legitimate and that there are cliff edges off which there is a reasonable chance we might fall.

If anyone can do this, and lots of people have, then Ben can. Yes, I trust him. I’m not going to read too much about details and building regs. And as with all the changes Birch has brought to us, it’s not always possible to know how you’ll feel when it comes to it. Maybe I won’t mind. In fact I think I might love it.

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