Metamorphosis

The last week or so has been like travelling through a dream. I am walking past the various homes we have imagined in the last year, long grass snagging my feet to which I pay little attention. I look backwards through a field. Clouds are grey, wind is pushing at my left temple, hair blows across my face. I turn my head into the wind once more but the wind has turned into a soft, warm breeze. The scene has changed. The field is gone. Instead there is a cottage. Roses climb over the front door, sunlight falls in shafts through the trees across the garden.

We waited and waited on the land. It looks like we have exhausted all the possibilities. It has all come down to the overage. This is a covenant with several beneficiaries, many of whom are charitable organisations. It states in very ambiguous language that if more than one dwelling, or perhaps if one dwelling with a larger footprint than the current house is built, then we would have 60 days to pay 30% of the increase in the value of the land. We could possibly get a figure on what that would be; almost certainly within the tens of thousands. But no one except the beneficiaries can tell us if our plans would trigger it. The ones we’ve never actually heard from at all, despite having asked several things of them. We tried surveyors; we tried solicitors. These types of case are really unpredictable if they go to court. And there’s no way we want to go to court. So we kept on waiting. Maybe they would respond.

And then we saw Rose Cottage. It’s not far from the land; a more sheltered spot with weeping willow and birch in the garden and roses around the door (not so much in February actually, but a front garden full of snowdrops). It has the kitchen/dining/living space we hoped for. And some really horrible carpets. Surely this can’t be ours? Seems like maybe it can.

On one hand, I don’t want to let the dream of the land and a self-build go. On the other, I know things change. Maybe when the kids are grown we’ll build a little hut in a field. Or maybe we will keep living this dream; it’s a good one. It’s not something we need to know. We have found contentment living in a little rented house. Now we need to take that with us into the next steps of this adventure.

Not in public

There are lots of things I like. One of them is watching tennis. Not such a good player but I reckon I could commentate. Except that it would be quite exposed. Not as much as the players obviously. We don’t always get to see them at their best.

Serena Williams was playing at the US Open finals on Saturday. She totally lost it when she felt she was being accused of cheating. I guess you’re so pumped up, so competitive and combative on court you’re already quite close to losing it one way or another. It wasn’t a good look.

Most days I can feel myself drawing towards the line over which I will lose it. I suspect one of the best things for me about having children is the opportunities it affords for developing patience. I didn’t think I had a particularly fiery temper, wasn’t aware of my threshold for patience until I had children. Now I see myself a little more clearly and can see where work is needed.

What I’m really glad of is that so far I’ve managed to not totally lose it in public. It must feel terrible to have lost it in front of millions, even if many concede that she had a point. And each day I’ll keep trying not to lose it. Sometimes I’ll succeed. Those are the best days.

Days pass

Funny the difference from one week to another. Last week, packing and managing some big emotions, this week unpacking and managing different big emotions. No wonder I feel tired.

We wanted to move to this area and I’m glad it has worked out, one way or another. But it was really hard moving out of my parent’s house. We treated our stay a bit like a holiday, at least when we were both there which was less often than you might expect. I really like my parents. It was fun to share this part of our life with them. Of course, we will still share our lives but it is different when you live together. There is good and bad. Mostly there was good, taken with a glass of wine.

It’s interesting to see how, because we are on the move more often, I may be noticing the passing of time more. A few months there, three months here and half a year has gone by. Having a baby makes you notice that too – so much changes for them in the first year. Today I’m glad of that. Birch has said “uh uh uh” meaning “make it all better” for a lot of hours today. It felt like a long one. But now the sun is setting through the bathroom window and the scented candle is bringing the tranquility it advertises and the day is past.

Enjoy the pie

So the summer ends. It was lovely. We did a lot of camping and went to Kent which is just about one of my favourite places to go and was as beautiful as I remember. Then we moved house and the children started at their new school and all of a sudden summer is over and a new style of life has begun.

We’ve taken a rental house as near to the new school as possible. It’s nice. The neighbours brought us a freshly made pie the day we moved in. The house is as close as is possible to exactly the same as the house we sold, complete with hatch (we knocked that wall down which made the hatch rather larger). That’s quite strange. It wasn’t like we thought that was the best ever house but it has worked out that we are in a replica. At least the furniture fits.

Children are amazing. They were nervous but it didn’t much show as they walked into their new school and began to find their way. Red said he didn’t have a snack on his first day as he wasn’t sure how that worked, but the second day he did. Good strategy: observe and then act. Myrtle went straight for the pancake; Isobel said that’s what you’re meant to do. Good strategy: check with a friend. They’ve both done so well. I am so relieved. Now I think maybe they can handle anything. I think maybe they think that now too.

The wait on the land seems a bit interminable. Still waiting for the mysterious trustees to meet and confirm that we won’t get a bill for tens of thousands as soon as we get planning permission. Can’t go ahead and buy before we know that so on we wait. And wait.

In the meantime, we will enjoy the pie.

Yesterday I thought it might all be over. The planning department were not keen to answer the question of how much bigger the new house can be. This is a big question as the current house is two up two down with a little lean to kitchen. If they weren’t prepared to answer that question it seemed like a big risk to go forward given that for a family of five it would be tight to fit and perhaps not worth our efforts.

It seems that planners don’t like to put things in writing. I guess it isn’t their job to give advice but we weren’t looking for advice, we just needed a number. By phone, we got one. We can have 35% additional volume under permitted development rights. We were hoping it would be measured by footprint as then we could have done clever things with volume. What it means is our house is going to be small. But it will be big enough. And we can have out buildings.

It’s good to know how much we want to go on this adventure. I’ve wondered a few times about whether it would be better just to buy a house, or even to rent one. We rented for ages after we were married and it was great.

Phew! For now at least, the game is still on. And I’m tired! Ben was away with work last week, the first time since I was pregnant I think. Usually it’s a week + travel time (typically two days) but this trip was a total of seven days, and we are at my parent’s so we were even more fine than I had hoped. I had to do the nights with Birch though, and I think he thought snuggle time with me was worth waking up for. Three or four times. Every night. Alas a habit that could do with breaking, especially before we are all in a tent together next week. Now Ben’s back, jet lagged but still doing the nights (he says he’s awake anyway..). I’m glad it was just a week.